CESI – DEC “Elvesploitation” – Damning report into work practises in Lapland brings into question elf rights under Clause Regime

 In news, Uncategorized

The Centre of Economic and Social Inclusion has released details of a damning undercover report into work practises in Lapland. The newspaper the “North Star”, has found widespread accusations of employment malpractice and an increasingly authoritarian management culture.
Elf workers in Lapland, currently controlled by multi-billionaire, Christmas tycoon Santa Clause, are reported to be enduring eighteen hour shifts in order to meet the ever rising demand for high-tech Christmas presents. The report, which placed undercover workers in Santa’s workhouses, also found evidence that elves were effectively earning less than half the minimum candy-canes. Other conditions include:
• Reductions to employee perks such as work-sleighs and company dental scheme provided by Toothfairy Inc
• Cancellation of Mandatory Work Activity and Community Work Placements due to increasing work-time
• The increasing use of troll-workers
Santa has announced a review of all worker terms and conditions in light of the report with a Lapland spokes-elf commenting:
“We can confirm that there is an ongoing investigation and that Father Christmas is fully co-operating. He would like to point out that all Little Helpers receive free accommodation and unlimited wrapping paper, gift tags, sellotape and sparkles. They are also automatically enrolled in an employee mince pie bonus scheme. Margins are particularly tight this year at Santa’s workshop this year following the cancellation of his Mandatory Work Activity and Community Work Placement contracts. Nonetheless Father Christmas is pleased that this issue has been raised with him and is working to comply with the law. Reports that he considers this to be ‘Elf and Safety gone mad’ are wide of the mark.”
Elfison representative Holly Jingle announced:
“We sincerely welcome this report into malpractice by Clause Inc and look forward to fully cooperating with the Clause Review. Shrinking candy-cane packets alongside an increasingly harsh management culture have been brought up regularly by our members, and we look forward to resolving these problems with Mr Clause.”

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